College Life at a Glance

Posted: August 5, 2017 in Uncategorized

It all began in the summer of 2015, I had just recently graduated and I needed to head off to do something with my life. In all honesty, I did not know what I wanted to do. Even to this day, I’m not 100% sure what I want to do. I just took the option that was the easiest, or should I say I took the option that didn’t need too much thinking. I chose to leave home to pursue pharmacy. Now you might be thinking, How is pharmacy easy? I say it’s easy because that’s the option that my dad gave me, so I took it. I mean what else did I have to lose?

Moving forward, I went to summer school at Florida Agricultural & Mechanical University to be exact. I just went about life and continued doing what I did in high school. That was a big mistake! I failed a class due to neglect and procrastination. I passed the other classes with flying colors though, however that doesn’t help my gpa too much with the failed class added to it. I was scared. I mean I was beyond scared because I’ve never failed anything like a test or even a class. I was horrified that my parents would kill me (figuratively), so I hid it from everyone. And, I mean everyone.

Fast forward to the fall semester, I took my classes and passed all of them this time, but then an issue arises. Financial aid, my arch nemesis. I had to stop school for a period of time because of funding, but that didn’t stop me. This time I was determined to do something with my life. At this point, I wasn’t living and just doing things because my dad told me to. I was moving forward because I wanted it. I wanted to pursue a better life for my own desire and not someone else’s. I had to struggle with financing my school, apartment, and even for food itself. Loans were impossible for me to obtain because of credentials, but I managed to pay everything of pocket thanks to the help my parents and work.

Presently, I am able to start the fall semester soon after much labor and a little bit of depression. I know that I didn’t go into full details about everything that happened and that is because I’m not ready to give a full story and spill the beans. I just wanted to give encouragement to someone else that is struggling to let him or her know that they aren’t the only ones struggling with college life, or even life in general. Things can happen, but that’s okay because you will find yourself in the end. I now have something I want to pursue, good friends, and a loving boyfriend. It’s not the end.

Advertisements

In the modern era of the twenty-first century, the term lady is not a commonly used description of women. When I think of the term lady, my mind goes back to the old age, in which women were seen as women of power. A lady is a woman whom has high standards, confidence, and is independent. She has to have standards that surpass the average woman, in that she will not settle for less. Her standards would be one such a high scale that even those around her would want to work hard to be by her side. While a lady is seen as someone with power, she is also sophisticated and holds great beauty. She walks and speaks with confidence; almost as if she believes that she is fit to be a queen. A true lady is someone who is able to gain power with skill through her beauty and knowledge. A lady is intelligent and highly advanced with a mature aura. Those around a lady will naturally feel that she is a successful individual and not one to be trifled with. In my opinion, a lady is also an individual that does not need to depend on the strength of other in order to accomplish a goal or to take care of herself. Women of power, knowledge, skill, beauty, and dominance are the true characteristics of a lady, yet rarely are these characteristics seen in a woman. To become a lady, one must have true determination and a strong will that is not inferior to that of men.

They say I feel too much

They say I’m too attached

They say that i don’t know anything

But I know,

I know that I feel too much

I know that when I feel

I fall, hard and deep

So deep that it hurts

So deep that it’s hard to get out

What i don’t know

Is when can I let go

When can I come to terms

When will I give up

When will I see that I’m not the one

Cutting Off the Lights

Posted: November 3, 2015 in Poem
Tags: , , , , , , ,

719_hearspeaksee

Close your Eyes

Plug your Ears

Empty your Mind

It will be all right

Don’t fret

Don’t Panic

Don’t feel

Don’t look

Don’t hear

Don’t Think

Empty

Silence

Quiet……

This is a character analysis that I have submitted as a research paper. It is solely for informational purposes, please do not use as your own.

The Depths of Being an Outcast

In the novel, The Sun also Rises, Jake and Robert are both similar in that they consider themselves to be outsiders. While Jake seems to have a better chance at integrating into the group of friends, Robert has no chance due to his maturity level. The fact that Jake went to war helps his cause, where he has a more developed and mature attitude. Although Jake has a better maturity level in a sense, Robert is able to speak his mind and will go after the things he wants in life despite his insecurity. Jake and Robert are both outcasts because of their differences from the other characters, as well as the fact that Brett greatly influences how the other characters react to their presence. While both consider themselves outsiders, it displays the difference of their morality and views of life in comparison to the others, yet it also emphasizes the idea that one’s position in society also affects their relationships with others.

Throughout the novel, Jake singles himself out as an outsider because of his insecurities due to his war injuries. Jake constantly isolates himself, as people often find him in his room or doing work. The point of Jake’s self-isolation, rides on the fact that he does not want to discuss his war injuries, as well as the fact that he believes that he does not deserve any better because of the loss of his manhood.  As Jake says, “I had discovered that was the best way to get rid of friends,” he displays his motive to isolate himself, despite the fact that it is done through alcohol. (Hemingway 19) Jakes use of alcohol is the same as the others, as it is a means to drown out their problems in life, as well as a temporary escape from it. It is ironic that Jake occasionally uses alcohol when Brett visits his residence, as if he is trying to get rid of her at times, like he uses alcohol to take away all his troubles, such as his constant desire to have Brett to himself. While Jake isolates himself because of his problems in life, he also does it due to his views of those that surround him. He has an undertone of disgust towards the men around him, specifically those who let women take the role of the men, when the man is capable of holding his position, because of his own loss of men dominance, he dislikes that the others willingly give it up, as he portrays in his visit with Cohn and Frances.

Brett plays a large role in Jake’s isolation with her rejection and her attitude. When Brett says, “I don’t think so. I’d just tromper you with everybody,” she raises Jake’s insecurities to the surface. (Hemingway 62) She brings him to think of himself as less than a man because of his injuries, which causes him to have the mind frame that he will not be accepted fully as he is now. Her rejection of him based on the fact that they will be sexually inactive provides a basis for Jake, where one can only truly be a man if he can satisfy his woman, as Brett’s declaration states. Brett’s attitude towards Jake not only leads him on, but it destroys his pride as a man considering that she constantly reminds him of the fact that he cannot have sex as she says, “We would have had such a good damned time together.” (Hemingway 251) Although Brett may be the reason for his insecurities, Jake is the one who takes control of his own reactions and thoughts, thus proving that even if Brett is a factor, it is Jake who causes his own isolation from the others.

Robert on the other hand, is an outcast because of the opinions of the other characters. They think of him as annoying and immature, which gives the characters a basis as to why they should reject him. When Brett says, “He’s still only a child,” she emphasizes the idea that those around him put him on the same level as a child who they only tolerate to a certain extent. (Hemingway 29) Yet it seems that they actually reject him due to his forwardness, in that he will chase after his desires, while the other characters do not. Robert is the only character in the group who not only knows what he wants, but will try to achieve it, as he says, “Don’t you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you’re not taking advantage of it?” (Hemingway 19)  He displays his motive in finding a way to live a satisfying life. Robert figuratively takes the bull by the horns and jumps into his problems without hesitation or consequence; however that is also the reason for the other’s animosity. They just sit and stall, while constantly thinking of the consequences, such as failing. Their animosity holds an undertone of jealousy. When Harvey says, “I misjudged you…You’re not a moron. You’re only a case of arrested development,” Harvey mocks him as well as points out the fact that not only do the others not like Robert’s presence, but they also see him as the immature individual. (Hemingway 51) As the characters label him as the more immature individual, Cohn is the outcast of the group as not only do they not like his persistence, but they also despise that they cannot bring him down to their level of confidence.

Jake and Robert are similar due to Brett’s rejection of them both. While Jake may be closer to Brett, unlike Robert he knows that Brett will never turn to him in commitment due to his injuries. Robert on the other hand has a chance with Brett in general, as he is able to achieve her main desire in men, yet his immaturity affects the guarantee of the position. In a sense they both have persistence, while Jake is more passive than Robert’s blunt approach. Jake is consistent as he continues to do Brett’s bidding, when she calls him to her or she goes to him in her time of need. Although he knows that he will never have a chance to have her, he is still there by her side, which portrays his loyalty. No matter the immoral way in which Brett acts, Jake is willing to accept her as is by him not pushing her to abide to his morals, yet she rejects him because of his inability to satisfy her desire. Robert’s persistence rides on the fact that he is open about his desire for Brett. Yet unlike Jake, Robert does not want Brett the way she is, he constantly tries to conform her to his ideal, as in he wants her to stop seeing other men.

Although both Jake and Robert may be outcasts, they hold a similarity with the other members of the group. Essentially the main similarity is that they all have insecurity in them that they want to escape from, as Jake says, “Going to another country doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried all that. You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There’s nothing to that,” he addresses Robert’s idea of trying to find his own identity through traveling. (Hemingway 19) He also addresses his own insecurities of trying to run from himself. While Brett may seem like she knows exactly what she wants, her weakness and insecurity is that she is afraid of love and commitment, as she displays through her constant hopping between the men. Mike, her fiancé, also has insecurity, which is in the fact that he is bankrupt because of his bad affairs with previous relations. To contrast the insecurities that they all have, the characters constantly become drunk in the novel to forget, as they are often found to be in cafes or bars. Brett’s indecisiveness of what she wants consequently affects both Jake and Robert, as they have a hope, through her leading them on.

Jake and Robert are outsiders due to the fact that they have differences, yet there is a difference between their isolation. The opinions of those around Robert bring about his isolation, as they do not agree with his character, therefore it is involuntary isolation. Jake, on the other hand, voluntarily isolates himself from the group due to his pride as a man. Jake and Robert are both outcasts because of their differences from the other characters, as well as the fact that Brett greatly influences how the other characters react to their presence.

Works Cited

Hemingway, Ernest. The Sun Also Rises. New York: Scribner, 2006. Print.

                  What went wrong?  That’s what I ask myself, when I’m alone with my thoughts. Our relationship was going well and there was a mutual attraction. In fact, I even believed that there could be a future with him. However it all went downhill without my knowledge. I fell for him fast and hard and now I’m struggling to get back up. He seemed perfect in my eyes with his deep brown eyes and wide smile. To be honest, I think that I was won over by his smile. To say the least, I was mesmerized by a smile that was surrounded with full lips and accented by straight white teeth. I was pulled in by his booming, joyous laugh and I made it a goal to try to make him laugh. I would light up with pure joy when he spoke or was merely in my presence. Of course, I realized the hard way that I shouldn’t have listened to my heart. I should have kept it locked away in a dark abyss with no way to unlock it.  He didn’t do anything to warrant pure hate, but he brought about the jealousy and frustration in me. He loved someone else.

No chance, No hope

I’m big, I’m plump.

Not pretty enough

Too tall, Not short.

No makeup, No clothes.

No heels, No skirt.

She’s pretty,

I’m not.

I’m plain,

She’s not.

No qualities of her.

There are not enough characteristics,

For hope.

She’s light,

But I’m dark….

So, I just want to say that I’m finally free from highschool! I actually graduated yesterday and I must say that I actually don’t feel any different. I mean yeah, it’s nice to not have anymore work, but I feel as if I’m probably going to lose some good friends in the long run due to distance, etc. Graduation to me is just another step in life. You go up one step, but there are still countless others to finish. And even when you do get to that goal at the top, there are even more steps to go over. To be honest, I’m not that excited mostly because I don’t have any ambition or motivation that I look towards in the future. I feel as if I’m just drifting by; looking from the outside, rather than the inside. Hopefully I’ll be able to find that hope and drive. Wish me luck and talk to you guys later!

image

Check out my Youtube channel! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrUrOEN5SmobOGdM_lizybQ

Want to earn some extra cash, while giving out reviews to new songs in the making? Check out this link: http://www.slicethepie.com/?wyd=799902

Earn points to buy whatever you want at select stores or items. It’s easy take a look! http://get.shopkick.com/xenon40772

Want to make some money online, but everything is nonsense? Try this out, it’s easy to understand and do surveys. You can even watch cool videos for money! http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/babyti…

Check out my closet, maybe you will find something you like! https://poshmark.com/closet/tinkzilla

One New One Old

Posted: March 6, 2014 in Just talk
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Hey guys, I have some news for you! Of course, it’s both good news and bad news, but which one do you want to know first? You don’t know, you say?! Well I’ll start for you, not too long ago I had the best friend in the world. He was there for me when I drown in sadness and even when I go to sleep at night, I must say he is a warm foot pillow. Now, I know what you must be thinking, “Who’s this guy?!” He’s not exactly a guy, well he is a male, but he is none other than my dog named Eddie! He is a mix of a Rottweiler and a Doberman.The most gorgeous dog in the world in my opinion. However, I just recently lost him to an unexpected seizure. My mom let him out into the backyard thinking he kept bothering her because he wanted to go out, which is what he normally did, and then she went back outside later to get him. Unfortunately, we lost him in the unexpected seizure outside. He was still, cold, and dead. I will never forget that day that I lost my best friend and family. This is sort of in his memory, with his crazy loveable self.

image

The good news in this situation is that I have a puppy! When you think of puppies don’t you just think of fluffy and cute? I do, my puppy came from one of my other dogs. Her name is Trina and she was pregnant, but unfortunately the rest of the litter died and I was only able to save one. That one puppy that I saved went throw Hell with me, if I say so myself. I raised him basically from birth, from feeding out of a bottle to weaning him. I named the little fluffy creature Taro, which means tiger in japaneae. I can tell you now, one thing I’m really into is Japanese culture. My poor dog is what I would say with enthusiasm, but not so much with the fact that he is a disaster! When I mean disaster, I mean biting, chasing at you till no end, tripping you while you try to avoid stepping on him, chewing on anything possible, and just being plain fat. I would call him a menace, but I’m already trapped in the cuteness trap and lured in to be the worst victim case ever. Although Eddie may be gone, I will gladly welcome this little nuisance into my family. He is an American Bull Dog and I’m pretty sure he’ll grow into a force to be reckoned with.

image

Worst Day Ever

Posted: February 22, 2014 in Just talk
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It was a good morning. I was waking up to the chirping birds and the bright sun, with a swoosh in my hair. I got ready for school singing a song by Katy Parry and singing my soul out, even though it sounded like a rat was dying in a corner. Not! It was a terrible morning. I was as groggy and mean like those short little gremlins, that turn ugly when wet. The bird weren’t chirping, it was more like a screeching pierce in the air that could get Rick Ross running out the country to safety. Sunny and bright? Yeah right, more like an evil smirk with a red “halo” trying to burn me to a crisp like little ants.

Image

That morning was terrible! Why you ask? You’ll find out when I’m finished talking.

Now then, where did i leave off? Oh yes, I remember. I woke up that morning in a haze from staying up all night finishing my homework and studying for a mountain load of tests quizzes. Remembering what i had to do that day, I stomped over to the bathroom and started brushing my teeth, while looking into the mirror. “I look like a burned bush with dead animals thrown into it,” I told myself with a half frown. Then I went to take my shower and guess what happens next, I fell and hit my back on the edge of the tub! Oh what a disaster, now I had to go to school with a back ache, what else can go wrong? The answer to that is plenty!

Skipping ahead to my ride to school, I went into the passenger seat with my dad in the driver seat. I was peace and quiet at first, where I could collect my thoughts and brace myself for the school day. But no that plan was foiled once my dad started talking, I was so irritated afterwards that I don’t even remember what he was talking about. All I can remember is walking into school looking i could shoot lasers out my eyes and pulverize someone to oblivion. In the end I didn’t but just one more push and i was ready to blow with the vengeance of the devil!

Image

By the end of the day, that push didn’t come, but I was definitely more stressed than that morning. You know what can fix all this? A good dinner, some soda, a movie,a book and a good night rest! Thankfully the next day was a Saturday.Image

 

Did anyone else have a bad day? Go ahead and let off some steam!